WHILE I WAS TAKING A CRAP

Am I the only one who can't digest corn? Today after taking a big-o-crap I turned around to see that "sculpture" lying at the bottom of the toilet, and there it was: the whole can of corn that I mixed with my pasta last night.

Is like, WTF? Am I maybe gona die soon and this is just a sign?

I have four books that I red while I'm taking a crap. One of them is a text book about Latin American history, the other one is called "The Great Wall and the Empty Fortress" and is about China; then comes "The Wealth and Poverty of Nations" and finally Paul Krugman's "The Great Unraveling".

Today I read quite a few pages of Mr. Krugman's book for two reasons: One is that is a very interesting book, and the other is that I had a lot of issues. . . if you know what I'm saying.

Ah the good old south! One of the cooking specialties in this land is the so called BBQ, a mix of different parts of a pig putted in a pot, cooked, chopped, mixed with only God knows what in order to lower the overhead and then served to whoever is brave, hungry and stupid enough to eat that thing.

Usually you put a bit of BBQ sauce on top just to kill the taste of that "pork-a-mess" that you're about to ingest, perhaps some Texas Pit or some Tabasco to kill the rest of the germs in that sandwich, and then enjoy!

Yesterday for lunch I had an all southern BBQ sandwich where I work at. If it was a bottle of wine it would have been exquisite, due to the time it had been waiting to be consumed, but the true is that it was as dry as a saltin cracker and as tasteless as a piece of cardboard. Even though I added a lot of BBQ sauce and Texas Pete, plus two slices of Swiss cheese and some sliced tomatoes, that thing wasn't really good. Being the brave man that I am, I ate the whole thing without blinking and only with a glass of water as company. After that I had a bit of rice, a piece of meatloaf and some veggies -plus a more Texas Pete on top of everything. I do eat a lot my friends.

Last night after playing tennis with two friends and kicking their poor asses big time, we went on a safari in order to find a sandwich. To make a long story short, we drove for like 30 minutes and at least 80 miles in order to find a place that was closed, so we end up eating a huge sandwich at McAllister's . In there, I applied all my charm and got the phone number of the 19-year old waitress that took care of us; I would have liked to have the number of the very cute cashier, but she was only 15-years old. Could you imagine a date with her? I would have had to take her to Celebration Station or something like that.

So after that BBQ sandwich, meatloaf, gallons of Texas Pete, the huge sandwich at McAllister's and the tennis matches, I woke up this morning with my stomach upset, very upset if not plain-o-angry with me. For breakfast I just had two Alka-Seltzer, but it looks like this is going to be a long day.

I'm thinking about putting my laptop in the restroom. . . you know, so that I won't miss "shit" today.

Alcohol is such a great thing; it not only makes me forget all the shit that I have to put up with on regular bases and some other problems that come every nowe and then, but the next morning it makes get ride of all the xtra junk in the trunk.

This morning I woke up and went straight to the electric chair; then, right after my coffee again.

I then left for the gym and felt as light as a feather, running and doing pull ups like a mad man!

Today I've taken two craps. One was right after I woke up and the other just before going to the gym -you know, just to get rid of some extra junk in the trunk.

I'm going to have dinner and perhaps a third one will show up later today. . . I can feel it!

There's a piece of crap that has been making its way towards the light of the day for the last 2 days. I believe it got kind of lost, because it's still moving around.

So, you piece of crap, why don't you just stop and rest and let the law of gravity take you to the end. I'll make sure you end up down the creek -ot wherever the hell my toilet drains to.

I help a friend move all his crap from his apartment on the second floor, to the one right above him on the third floor. Of the things we moved were a sofa, a big-O-TV, bed, 4 tables of different sizes and weight, few chairs, a very light trash can, and a HUGE fish tank full of rocks and shit were he has a 12-year old fucking turtle! Dude, there's been months -if not years- since I lifted such a heavy item.

Of course, after 2 hours I got hungry and we went to the local supermarket for lunch where I got a pre-set plate of chicken, tuna and green beans. It made me fart, and fart and fart like if I was rotten inside.

Few minutes ago, for dinner, I had two cans of "Traditional Southern Pork 'n Beans" and two slices of bread.

I can't imagine the crap that is looming in the horizon. . . But don't worry, I'll keep you post it.